Prior to becoming involved with the self-development community, I never understood the impact of having a small inner circle.
Had you met me even just three years ago, I was a social butterfly who desired to know and be friends with as many people as possible. In my opinion, it was the more the merrier.
It’s amazing how things change, and it’s almost comical that here and now I think the complete opposite. Although I still have extraverted tendencies and am usually thought of as outgoing and approachable, I have come to understand that time is invaluable and I’m not just going to give it away to someone or anyone for the sake of having more people in my life.
Similar to a full tank of gas in a car, we all begin our days with a certain amount of energy within us; some more than others. In order to fulfill the things that we want to do in a day (getting coffee with a friend, writing a new blog post, doing yoga on the beach) as well as the things we need to do to continue living our best lives (working out, grocery shopping, replying to emails) it’s a good idea to distribute your energy adequately so you can feel accomplished and like you are moving in the right direction towards your ideal lifestyle. There’s nothing more dissatisfying than knowing that you could have accomplished something but didn’t because you chose not to make it a priority. Looking back and saying “I wish I would have written another chapter in my book today but I didn’t because I wasted time scrolling through Instagram” is a cause for regret almost every time.
Well the same goes for people. Understand that every little thing you do burns energy regardless of if you feel it or not. Even something as small as putting your jewelry on or brewing your coffee in the morning takes energy.
Have you ever left the house in the morning without doing your usual morning routine and just thrown on the most comfortable thing in your closet because you simply didn’t have enough time/energy to do anything else? We all have.
Well talking and associating with people burns up time and energy too and the reality is, most people are not worth your energy. I know that sounds pessimistic, but hear me out.
Inherently, we live in a very self-centered world. It’s not that all people are blatantly selfish or wouldn’t help a person in need. However, majority of the time people don’t proceed with things without the thought of “What’s in it for me?”
People want recognition, people want more money, people want an upgrade. It doesn’t make anyone bad, it’s simply human nature.
Also, it’s important to be careful who you become comfortable around and who you share your business with. Very few people actually care, the rest are just curious. It’s not uncommon to think you know someone and think that they have your best interest at heart and then when you least expect it, they show you a side of them that you never imagined they had. Sometimes it’s directly, other times it’s when you read between the lines.
There are so many ways people expend their time and energy outward and don’t even realize that their giving a part their precious life away to someone who may not deserve or value it. Some examples we all tend to be guilty of are:
* Idle chit-chat talk with people in line at the coffee shop (just to pass the time)
* A long drawn out conversation with a roommate because it started out with “How was your day?”
* Commenting on social media pages for what turns into an hour
* Complimenting a co-worker on an outfit which turns into “Where did you get that?” to “Do you shop there often?” and becomes a full on conversation
I’ve made these errors in judgement way too many times and have consciously decided to be selective in who I give my time to as it’s something I will never get back.
Although I do go out with friends for the occasional lunch or invite people to go to farmers markets with me, most of time is spent at events with like-minded people, In fact, I don’t have time or energy for anyone who does not have the same values, intentions, or aspirations as me.
Recently, the only people I have chosen to spend time with are; my Bliss Tribe (women I met at The Bliss Project 2017), the goddesses I see at our Friday Women’s Warrior Circle, and people who are artists, yogis, writers, etc. Why? Because they add value to my life and vice versa. Anyone else, I have deemed not worth my energy at this point.
This is why, if somebody asks you for formal advice, I see no problem with asking them for compensation in whatever way works for you whether it’s monetary, work trade, or paying for your meal at a restaurant.
Now this isn’t me telling you to never strike up a conversation with someone in a line again or not to attend an event outside of the usual because those people are not in your tribe. By all means, continue to be yourself and be open to meeting people of all kinds because you never know, that person could be your future significant other or your next business partner.
However, I do encourage you to consciously decide whether or not a person or conversation is worth your time and whether or not you could expend that energy focusing on your own endeavors. There’s literally no shame in turning down an invite or reading an e-book on your phone while waiting in a line.
That being said, I leave you with three thoughts…
1. You are in charge of your social geometry, your circle can be as big or as small as you would like it to be
2. As your life changes, so will your circle (just like the moon, it all goes in phases)
and most importantly
3. Time is the single most important thing you could ever have. Although today it may not be too late, someday it will be. So remember, wasted time is worse than wasted money.