One of the most amazing things about life is that everyone is different.
While most of the time we don’t slow down to consciously contemplate it, difference is what allows us to have a variety of experiences.
-Have you ever walked into a restaurant or hotel and been so floored with the theme or decor that you can’t even believe someone came up with it?
-Have you ever browsed a boutique that you were so in awe of that you desperately wish you would have come up with it first?
-Have you ever met up with someone after they went on an extended vacation or did a long-term, life-changing project in another part of the world to find out that their already amazing self had been changed for the better?
Or maybe even been traveling the world yourself to become in awe that there are people who live so simply, peacefully, lavishly, etc.
We all have, and all of this is due to each person having individual experiences.
Our experiences are what inspire our creative endeavors, preferences, and our decisions.
A big part of lifestyle design is what we’ve been through, what we’ve chosen to participate in, the things we’ve been surrounded by, and the people we have spent our time around.
How profound and interesting is that?
While new experiences and difference can lead to memories, insight, and pleasure; often times it can also lead to conflict of interest.
The reality is; we won’t be mentally synchronized with everyone, and the truth be told, why would we even want to?
Allow me to speak from my own perspective and experience. Ever since The Bliss Project this past year, I have been motivated like I never have before and now have a much deeper understanding of who I am and what I want.
I have been determined to become my bombshell self and to both START & FINISH my creative endeavors and ideas before any “Big Magic” occurs.
Some to the personal changes I have made are:
*making health a priority
*spending more time in nature
*launching my art and lettering business
*starting the process of becoming self-employed
As you can imagine with this has come numerous opinions and a ton of unsolicited advice and feedback.
One thing I have learned from Goddess Circles is the importance of letting people express themselves without asking questions or giving council or recommendations. This is what goes back to speaking one at a time with a talking piece.
It’s so important to realize that when people choose to share something that they are doing, building, or going through with you, they have enough confidence that you can and will be attentive to what they are saying without judging.
Even though it may be unintentional, giving unsolicited advice is indirectly judging someone. It’s a way of telling someone that “there is a better way”, “this could be improved”, or “if I were you, I would do this”.
While giving advice can improve as well as make circumstances easier on someone, it’s best to ask whether or not that person would like a second opinion before openly giving it.
You can simply ask something along the lines of “Are you open to feedback?” or “Would you like an opinion from an outside perspective?”
In my experience, most people are receptive and will give you the green light to share feedback. However, if that doesn’t end up being the case, it’s not something to (necessarily) get hurt over.
It could simply mean that the person is perfectly satisfied keeping things the way they are and always have been.
Other times, it may be that the person only wants feedback from a person who has established credibility. I am an example of that, I will explain.
Brené Brown has a quote that really resonates with me:
“If you aren’t in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”
At this time in my life, I am incredibly focused and truthfully am only choosing to work on things that will move me forward to the future I design for myself.
Nobody can pour from an empty cup, so in order to make a difference in the world, I need to have my own life as together as possible.
I’ve decided that the time is NOW.
That being said, there are a very select few people I associate with and those people, along with the ones I have chosen as my life coaches, and the self-help gurus I choose to follow, are the ONLY people whose opinions I value currently. My closest friends, my Bliss Babes, the Warrior Women who come to circle, the self-thrive community, and that’s it.
Why? Because they have ONE of TWO things…
!. A proven track record of success in EXACTLY what it is I want to do with my life
2. Similar interests and values that show me that we can be stronger together
In the words of Brené Brown, they are also in the arena getting their a** kicked.
Earlier this year,a person who I had just met and barely had any conversation with made a comment to me that they “knew” I had it smooth my entire life, and never had to fight for anything I wanted.
While I’m glad that I can make my life look perfect and glamorous, that statement was SO far from the truth, I couldn’t even be a little bit offended. I also didn’t value that person’s opinion or perspective which made it easier to disregard. Anyone who ‘actually’ knows me personally, can tell you I have worked and fought like Hell to be who I am today. Why would I have wanted feedback from someone who literally knew nothing about me?
The same goes for…
-Would you trust an out-of-shape person to be your trainer?
-Would you ask a chronically anxious, overly hyper, worried-all-the-time person to show you meditation?
Obviously not, and the same goes for opinions…
We are all different and that’s beautiful. However, because of that reality, we may encounter thoughts and opinions we didn’t ask for.
It’s entirely your choice whether you want to accept, decline, or listen and disregard the feedback others give you.
For me (right now), if you’re not in my tribe, I don’t want it.
Why? Because unless we can collaborate to make one another better, or that person is living the life of my dreams, I’m probably not interested in what they have to say about what I’m doing.
Joel Osteen has the perfect quote about this:
“Not every person is going to understand you and that’s ok. They have (every) right to their opinion and you have every right to ignore it.”
What about you? Please share<3