I’ve heard it at least 3x in a matter of five days…once after I was fatefully invited to a very intimate gathering at the W Hotel in LA to hear a beautiful self-made boss babe Chiara Mazzucco speak about designing and manifesting your ideal future.
The second and third time I heard in the very place I am sitting right now as I write this at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas for Cole Hatter’s Thrive: Make Money Matter event that I’ve been looking forward to for months now.
Let me give you a little bit of perspective on where I stand when it comes to the people I associate and collaborate with…
Every single social event I attend is consciously and intentionally thought out before I make a decision. It may only take a matter of 10 seconds to decide, but that’s because I am very aware of what my ethics are and if it doesn’t allign with them, it’s an automatic no-go.
Marie Forleo has a quote that lights my soul on fire: “If it’s not a ‘Hell Yes’, its a ‘No'”. I live that phrase out on a daily basis.
Right now, I do currently have a 9-5 position; and while I’m grateful to have a consistent income, it’s truthfully nothing more than my temporary angel investor.
Because that is the case, I choose not to attend any of the office Happy Hours or become friends outside of the workplace with my colleagues.
Why? Because they don’t have the same values or ethics that I do, so why would I misuse time I can never get back on something that gives me no ROI? This says nothing about my co-workers other than that they are simply not my people and that is more than ok. It probably means I am not the one for them either.
During Chiara’s very powerful speech, she mentioned a perspective on Happy Hours that I had never thought of before…If you think deeply enough, why do we have them and what happens during them?
We have them because our work is stressful, hours are long, and clients/customers are difficult. Therefore we resort to adult beverages in attempts to get a buzz and temporarily forget about work.
Now what usually happens during Happy Hour?
We complain, we make light of aggravating customer situations, and we partake in what often turns in to binge drinking which is not a healthy choice for your body. And if you think deeper, what are we really doing?…Giving each other permission to think small, or in Chiara’s words “Reducing one another to smallness”. There’s nothing positive or beneficial about complaining while trying to drink our problems away. How does that move anyone forward?
That brings me to the absolutely fierce, badass, incredible Elena Cardone . Her message and demeanor have empowered me like no other woman has before. No lie, if someone wants to give me lessons on how to be just like her, I will take you up on that offer.
At Thrive, each speaker had his or her own subject to talk about; Elena’s topic was “Empire”. The very first words that she spoke after walking on stage were “You’re either building your empire, or you’re destroying it”.
Most people don’t even realize they have an empire, but the reality is, we all do. You get to decide what it is and what you stand for.
❤ Your Family
❤ Your Personal Brand
❤ Your Business
❤ Your Career
❤ You Dream Life
❤ Your Tribe
❤ Your Home
It's your empire, so let that sink in, goddess…With every decision you make, you are either contributing to it, or taking away from it.
I always like to use myself as an example. My empire is my personal brand.
While I am in the self-help industry, my desire is to be up on stage at Thrive someday and to have my own version of Lori Harder’s The Bliss Project.
I want to personally coach women to be the absolute most authentic versions of themselves, and to have a podcast.
It’s going to happen, it’s already happening, but only if I continue to make decisions that will build and make it stronger. A Happy Hour is not included in that.
Why? For several reasons:
1. If I were to go, I would’t be surrounded by my tribe. My bliss sisters, others in the self-thrive world, the women I know from goddess circles, my best friends who support my business and hold me accountable, and the people I meet at my regular yoga classes.
2. When you say yes to one thing, you say no to another. One thing I can say I am really proud of is the fact that I make very wise use of my time. (Today is Saturday, my only day off and instead of sleeping in or having a lazy day, I am writing for my blog, my empire) The same goes for after work, I don’t watch TV until 10 pm or spend the night out partying, or in bed scrolling through IG. I work on what is important to me. If I said yes to Happy Hour, I would be saying no to my dreams.
3. Finally (although there are a million more reasons) it would give me no return on investment. Sure, maybe drinks would give temporary pleasure, but after the buzz fades, what would I be left with? It may only be one blog post, one chapter in my book, one accountability phone call with my mastermind group, but at least it would be something tangible that I created. Something that I can say I learned from that will build my brand, my dream, my future.
Now don’t take this to the extreme, I am by no means saying that going out for the occasional cocktail is something to avoid. We all deserve to let loose and do mindless and fun things once in a while. The way life works is that we take one step back for every couple of steps forward.
I mean, what is the point of building your empire if you don’t get to reap any rewards or take a break from the hustle?
But, I encourage you to choose with consciousness and not say yes to opportunities that will later mean nothing to you.
Before you say yes, consider the essentials:
1. Who will I be spending the next couple of hours with and what role does he/she play in my life?
2. Will I be saying “no” to something that means a lot to me?
3. What will the ROI be and is it worthwhile?
If when you answer these questions, you come to the conclusion that you are attending or participating in something “just because”, what you’re really doing is reducing yourself to smallness. You’re worth more than that darling.
That being said, give yourself the gift of deciding what your empire is and really owning it. It can be anything authentic to you that makes you happy, there is no right or wrong answer. Consider your empire each and every time you are given an opportunity; will you be building it or destroying it? Acknowledging and remembering that time is the most important thing in the world and something you can never get back therefore, “If it’s not a ‘Hell YES’ it’s a ‘no'”.
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