Lifestyle · Things to Consider

Regret Minimalization

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Ever since I was a kid, I have struggled to make decisions.
Still to this day, I am reminded that I was the six year old who would stand at the bakery for 20 minutes debating about whether I wanted a chocolate or glazed donut.
I am also not a fan of pros and cons lists. That’s because regardless of which list ends up being longer, there are some factors that hold higher importance than others.
For example, if you’re trying to decide where to go on vacation and the pros are; good food, low prices, and friendly locals and the one con is that the week you plan to go has a high chance of storms for days, that will most likely outweigh all of the positives.

The reason decisions are a challenge for me is because I am very affected by regret.
Although there are very few things I regret in life, things I do end up regretting take a while for me to get over.

Not long ago, I was listening to a podcast that really struck a chord with me and I plan to use this strategy from now on whether decisions are big or small.

The term is called Regret Minimalization.
The truth is that no matter what, there is almost always going to be a drawback to a decision.
Whether that’s expenses, weather, living conditions, people, language barrier, distance, very few times in life is a situation perfect.
What’s amazing though is that often times when we make the right decision, everything feels like paradise so the shortcomings don’t weigh us down. They’re there, but not in a way where we constantly have them on our minds. Life is beautiful that way!

It’s as straightforward as it sounds and relies heavily on intuition. What is something you’re currently going back and forth in your mind about?

-Relocating to another state?
-Taking a hiatus to see other parts of the world?
-Selling everything you have and downsizing to a motorhome?
-Investing thousands into that course that your soul has been calling for forever now?

The list could go on forever, but the debate in your mind can’t.

So next time you are pondering a decision, ask yourself. Which choice am I least likely to regret? It may not come easy, but it will feel peaceful.

I encourage you not to overthink the decision, however it’s more than ok if you need to write down your thoughts and the possible regrets you may have.

Something I have been pondering lately is whether or not I want to leave the United States and experience life in an unfamiliar territory for a while. I imagine myself living in the Jungle near a beach.

Waking up in the mornings to see gratitude offerings of plants, fruits, and vegetables on peoples doorsteps instead of people rushing out the door and pressuring the barista to make their drink as quickly as possible so they are not late to work.

I picture being of service, like helping other women find their true callings, teaching English to those who want to learn, or working on a ranch with sweet animals. I could spend hours in cafes and coffee shops people watching and observing the culture; at the end of my days, my ❤ would be so full.

The second thing I have been pondering is whether or not to hire a life/business coach. I have so many ideas and while I am pursuing them through my blog and art, there is something I don’t know yet that only a coach could teach me. I know that if I want big results, I need to make big changes and take big risks, but the huge financial investment intimidates me.

I didn’t ask to be this way and by way I mean a gypsy soul with a higher calling that involves the road less traveled. It’s more challenging and less secure, nobody wants that.

I could wait a few years before diving right into the unknown and have much more in the bank.
However, if in a year from now I don’t want to be feeling the same dissatisfaction that I feel today, that in itself would be a regret. My heart desires change now and I’m not going to live forever.

Blindly, these two decisions feel incredibly difficult, but when I think of them in terms of regret minimization, the answer is crystal clear.

Why do I tell you this? Because whatever it is that your heart desires and your soul is calling for, you didn’t ask for either.

It’s in you DNA, it’s part of your existence, therefore there is no reason to feel guilty or question if there is something off about you.
It just is, you just are.

With that, I encourage you to block out time for yourself and to find a serene, sacred space to do some soul searching.
Make sure you are not pressed for time or around anyone who will influence your decision.
Be clear on exactly what options you have, ask yourself; Which decision will give me the least amount of regret? Then let your intuition do the rest and your answer will come. And so it is…<3

Lifestyle · Things to Consider

Whose Opinion is Significant?

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One of the most amazing things about life is that everyone is different.
While most of the time we don’t slow down to consciously contemplate it, difference is what allows us to have a variety of experiences.
-Have you ever walked into a restaurant or hotel and been so floored with the theme or decor that you can’t even believe someone came up with it?

-Have you ever browsed a boutique that you were so in awe of that you desperately wish you would have come up with it first?

-Have you ever met up with someone after they went on an extended vacation or did a long-term, life-changing project in another part of the world to find out that their already amazing self had been changed for the better?
Or maybe even been traveling the world yourself to become in awe that there are people who live so simply, peacefully, lavishly, etc.

We all have, and all of this is due to each person having individual experiences.
Our experiences are what inspire our creative endeavors, preferences, and our decisions.

A big part of lifestyle design is what we’ve been through, what we’ve chosen to participate in, the things we’ve been surrounded by, and the people we have spent our time around.

How profound and interesting is that?

While new experiences and difference can lead to memories, insight, and pleasure; often times it can also lead to conflict of interest.

The reality is; we won’t be mentally synchronized with everyone, and the truth be told, why would we even want to?

Allow me to speak from my own perspective and experience. Ever since The Bliss Project this past year, I have been motivated like I never have before and now have a much deeper understanding of who I am and what I want.

I have been determined to become my bombshell self and to both START & FINISH my creative endeavors and ideas before any “Big Magic” occurs.

Some to the personal changes I have made are:
*making health a priority
*spending more time in nature
*launching my art and lettering business
*blogging again
*starting the process of becoming self-employed

As you can imagine with this has come numerous opinions and a ton of unsolicited advice and feedback.
One thing I have learned from Goddess Circles is the importance of letting people express themselves without asking questions or giving council or recommendations. This is what goes back to speaking one at a time with a talking piece.
It’s so important to realize that when people choose to share something that they are doing, building, or going through with you, they have enough confidence that you can and will be attentive to what they are saying without judging.

Even though it may be unintentional, giving unsolicited advice is indirectly judging someone. It’s a way of telling someone that “there is a better way”, “this could be improved”, or “if I were you, I would do this”.

While giving advice can improve as well as make circumstances easier on someone, it’s best to ask whether or not that person would like a second opinion before openly giving it.

You can simply ask something along the lines of “Are you open to feedback?” or “Would you like an opinion from an outside perspective?”

In my experience, most people are receptive and will give you the green light to share feedback. However, if that doesn’t end up being the case, it’s not something to (necessarily) get hurt over.

It could simply mean that the person is perfectly satisfied keeping things the way they are and always have been.
Other times, it may be that the person only wants feedback from a person who has established credibility. I am an example of that, I will explain.

Brené Brown has a quote that really resonates with me:

“If you aren’t in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

At this time in my life, I am incredibly focused and truthfully am only choosing to work on things that will move me forward to the future I design for myself.

Nobody can pour from an empty cup, so in order to make a difference in the world, I need to have my own life as together as possible.
I’ve decided that the time is NOW.

That being said, there are a very select few people I associate with and those people, along with the ones I have chosen as my life coaches, and the self-help gurus I choose to follow, are the ONLY people whose opinions I value currently. My closest friends, my Bliss Babes, the Warrior Women who come to circle, the self-thrive community, and that’s it.

Why? Because they have ONE of TWO things…

!. A proven track record of success in EXACTLY what it is I want to do with my life

2. Similar interests and values that show me that we can be stronger together

In the words of Brené Brown, they are also in the arena getting their a** kicked.

Earlier this year,a person who I had just met and barely had any conversation with made a comment to me that they “knew” I had it smooth my entire life, and never had to fight for anything I wanted.

While I’m glad that I can make my life look perfect and glamorous, that statement was SO far from the truth, I couldn’t even be a little bit offended. I also didn’t value that person’s opinion or perspective which made it easier to disregard. Anyone who ‘actually’ knows me personally, can tell you I have worked and fought like Hell to be who I am today. Why would I have wanted feedback from someone who literally knew nothing about me?

The same goes for…

-Would you trust an out-of-shape person to be your trainer?

-Would you ask a chronically anxious, overly hyper, worried-all-the-time person to show you meditation?

Obviously not, and the same goes for opinions…

We are all different and that’s beautiful. However, because of that reality, we may encounter thoughts and opinions we didn’t ask for.

It’s entirely your choice whether you want to accept, decline, or listen and disregard the feedback others give you.
For me (right now), if you’re not in my tribe, I don’t want it.

Why? Because unless we can collaborate to make one another better, or that person is living the life of my dreams, I’m probably not interested in what they have to say about what I’m doing.

Joel Osteen has the perfect quote about this:
“Not every person is going to understand you and that’s ok. They have (every) right to their opinion and you have every right to ignore it.”

What about you? Please share<3